I always knew that my degree in English literature that I am still paying for would one day prove to be crucial in a world crisis. Now, I will expertly use the unique skills that I was trained in, like close reading and deconstructing the nuances of subtext from sentences, to translate ex-FBI Director Comey’s farewell letter to his colleagues for the masses.
I DIDN’T EVEN ACTUALLY GET TO SEND THIS TO EVERYONE IN THE DEPARTMENT BECAUSE I WAS SHOVED OUT LIKE A GODDAMNED PARIAH WHO HAD PISSED IN H.R.’S COFFEE SO FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW POST IT ON FREAKIN’ FACEBOOK SO THAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER SEES IT PRINT OUT COPIES AND DROP THEM FROM OUR STEALTH SPY AIRPLANES OVER THE AMBER FIELDS OF AMERICA MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS
I’M OFFICIALLY NAILING THIS SHIT TO THE CHURCH DOOR LIKE MARTIN LUTHER
I have long believed that a President can fire an FBI Director for any reason, or for no reason at all.
IN CASE IT’S NOT PERFECTLY CLEAR I’M THE LATTER CASE Y’ALL OR ELSE I WOULDN’T HAVE MENTIONED IT
I’m not going to spend time on the decision or the way it was executed.
YEAH I’M NOT GONNA GO INTO IT HERE BECAUSE H.R.’S LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER BUT THE FACT THAT I MENTION “THE DECISION” IS MEANT TO BE A BIG RED FLAG CALLING YOUR ATTENTION TO SHITBAG TRUMP’S SHITBAG DECISION AND THE FACT THAT I ALSO MENTION THE WAY IT WAS EXECUTED IS MEANT TO REMIND YOU THAT THAT MOTHERF–ER DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THE BASIC RESPECT TO CALL ME OR LOOK ME IN THE EYE WHEN HE FIRED ME LISTEN FRIENDS WE TREAT FBI TRAINEES BETTER WHEN WE CATCH THEM DOING SILENCE OF THE LAMBS COSPLAY IN THE QUANTICO DORMS AT NIGHT